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A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the petstore.He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs Over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball. The bartender said "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUTNOW!!" the man left. Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it" The bartender said " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?" The man says "Yeah ever since to cue-ball incident he checks everything for size

The Pope and Michael Jackson were on an airplane with a bunch of cub scouts when the plane's engines failed. The Pope said "here Michael, grab a parachute and let's jump" Michael said "what about the kids?" the Pope responded "fuck the kids" Michael said "do you think we have time?"

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